You are not alone — tips for dealing with stress
by Beth
I am pleased to introduce our guest blogger, Laura Shumaker. Laura had a piece published in the New York Times in August about her 24-year-old son Matthew, who has autism. You might also remember the post Laura wrote for us last March — it was about providing evidence-based treatment for individuals with autism through the lifespan. We are delighted to welcome her back to the Easter Seals and autism blog — it is our privilege to publish yet another one of her very thoughtful guest posts here.
You are not alone – tips to help with stress
by Laura Shumaker
In the past several months, there have been numerous stories of mothers abusing, even killing children who have autism. “But she was such a good mother,” is often the response of family, friends and neighbors. “She had the patience of a saint. She was great with her child. She must have just snapped.”
Research indicates that parents of children with autism experience greater stress than parents of children with intellectual disabilities and Down Syndrome (Holroyd & McArthur, 1976; Donovan, 1988). There is no doubt that the relentlessness of raising a child with autism (managing peculiar and sometimes aggressive behavior, adjusting to strange sleep patterns, paying for therapy, worrying about the future — just writing this is making me anxious!) can push even the strongest parent dangerously close to the edge.
So here is what I, the well seasoned mother of a 24-year-old son with autism propose you do to make your life less edgy:
- Get a break. How many of you have a regularly scheduled time that is just for you during the week that you can do something that you really enjoy? Ask your local Department of Developmental Services if your family qualifies for respite services. Matthew has been attending
Easter Seals Programs and camps since he was very young, giving our family time to decompress and recharge. - Exercise. I know, hard to find the time, but find the time (I used to get up REALLY early when my kids were little and go running or walking, sometimes with a baby on my back). You’ll feel better, stronger and more resilient.
- Connect with others in your situation that get it. Vent, laugh, cry. (Sounds like a sequel to Eat Pray Love. “There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.” — Katharine Butler Hathaway
- Educate yourself. Unlike some areas of physical medicine where the problem may have a clear cut course of treatment, we’re dealing with something that doesn’t have a clear cut solution. There is a lot of exciting new research in the field of autism. It’s essential that we take the time to keep up to speed. My local Easter Seals affiliate has a terrific parent’s education program, and I’m sure yours does too.
- Get help. When Matthew was about 10, I was getting sick all of the time (like sick in the hospital for two weeks with pneumonia sick). My doctor thought that it was because of stress, and that a therapist might help. I still remember rolling my eyes and saying “How can a therapist help me? I just have to learn to deal with it.” In the end, I did go to the therapist, she helped me “deal with it” and I’m certain she also saved my life. Some are not comfortable with the idea of one-on-one therapy. I understand. But trust me, you’ll feel more comfortable if you try it. Group therapy is also an option.
- Last but certainly not least, turn to Easter Seals for answers to your questions. Did you know that Easter Seals is the leading non-profit provider of services for individuals with autism? Check your local Easter Seals affiliate for information, help and resources.
You are NOT alone.