We Are Fighters and Survivors: How Disability Pride Changed the Game
by Blog Writers
By Jennifer Msumba
Hi, my name is Jen Msumba. To me, having pride in my disability is about first accepting who I am, my differences, difficulties and gifts. And then taking that a step further and seeing how my disability has helped me in achieving my life goals and dreams.
When I was a kid, I hate to say it, but, my autism caused me nothing but pain and anxiety. I was bullied, misunderstood by my teachers and had very low self esteem. Also, I was extremely fearful of everything, clinging to my mom every night and when we were out in public. I had body tics, which caused me physical pain and discomfort and severe obsessive compulsive disorder, from which I spent hours a day doing rituals to “keep my mom safe” and battling intrusive thoughts.
I thought I was, as one bully called me, “a waste of a human.” I didn’t see the beautiful little girl that I look back at old pictures and see. I was funny and kind. I didn’t realize what a quick mind I had for words and math. So quick that I was able to do my tests, and then erase everything and rewrite it because my obsessions told me that I wrote it wrong — and still finish in time. But all I saw was the bad, because I had not yet been able to learn about myself — and that there were others like me out in the big world.
It would take me years, well into my adulthood, until I could explore and learn more about my autism. I wasn’t alone! God made me, Jen Msumba, just as I am and He knew who I would become. My soft gentle heart, which is easily broken, is also quick to love. I have empathy for other people and for animals. I see details that most people miss. This helps me in learning quickly. Using the free flow of information on the internet, I have taught myself how to produce music, write and edit films or books — and I am even a great basketball player! I can shoot free throws really well using my spatial skills.
Sometimes having pride can mean not having humility, and that is not a great attribute in my opinion. But it can also mean that a person is content with the unchangeable things about themselves. And this is what disability pride means to me.
There are certain things about myself that are going to be harder for me than for neurotypicals. But I honestly would not change having autism. I would love to get rid of my OCD and anxiety, though. If I am being honest, those are really hard to deal with. But life is a balance. And the good parts of my sensitivities wouldn’t be there without the hard parts.
Every day I learn more about myself. I never stop learning. And every day I get better at being me. People from my past have done a lot of damage, but I always had a fighting spirit. Deep down, it was planted in me that I was just as important as everyone else. I have a God-given plan and a purpose and I am loving to see it all unfold!
I really would like to tell others who feel like I did as a kid that it is never too late and that you are important. No matter what your disability is, you have a right to a happy and fulfilling life, whatever that looks like for you. I would say keep fighting for what you know to be true deep down inside. Go for your goals and dreams because they CAN come true!
We are fighters. We are survivors. And the world used to hold us back. But this is our time to come out from being hidden away and show what we have to give and to receive what we deserve. Which is to be treated with dignity and respect. This is our time to be proud.
I am now a musician who successfully writes songs for film, television and ads. And with this job, I am seeking to obtain a more independent life for myself. I’d love to have my own little house on a farm and have cows, chickens, dogs and any other animals that come into my life and heart. I want to keep writing, making music, films and telling stories.
I am proud to be Jen Msumba. With my brown skin and curly hair. With my tics and repeated words. I now have doctors who understand and help me with the hard parts, like my OCD and anxiety, and I know I am not fighting alone.
Disability pride has certainly changed the game for me. I see folks like me on TV, in ads, and out in public. I finally see characters I can identify with in my favorite shows and movies. I am grateful to organizations like Easterseals who are helping us empower ourselves with things like blogs and social media content, and the biggest for me — the Easterseals Disability Film Challenge!
In 2020, I made a little film for the challenge called The Fish Don’t Care When It Rains, and I won Best Film that year. That changed everything for me. My outlook became brighter. For the first time, I started to see myself having a future that I choose. I wrote my first book, Shouting At Leaves, which continues to sell successfully to this day. All because of that challenge which showed me that I have a voice. Even if I hadn’t won, that contest would have changed me.
I want to encourage others, who might not think they have something to say, that your voice matters! Be proud to be you and shout to the world in your own unique way.
Jennifer Msumba is an author and award-winning musician on the autism spectrum. She won her way onto the stage of Fenway Park on August 24, 2023, as part of the Doug Flutie Jr. Foundation for Autism STARS of the Spectrum event. Msumba’s newest album, Atypical, illuminates her life story. From Highway 93, a sparse acoustic arrangement about her first psych hospitalization at age 15, to young adult longing for relationships, highlighted in the humorous yet revealing Minus Your Girlfriend, We’d Make A Great Pair. Jennifer has now found herself exceeding even her own expectations, outlined in the folksy anthem Up, which wraps her album in the most uplifting way.