Pressing Candidates to Prioritize People with Disabilities: A Voter Checklist

by Randall Rutta, President and CEO

Election season is underway and the American voter is in the driver’s seat, with every candidate’s policies and promises up for review.

In addition to the presidency, 469 seats in the U.S. Congress (34 Senate seats and all 435 House seats) are up for election on Nov. 8. And at the state level, 94 senior elected positions across 22 states will be decided in the fall, in addition to legislature elections in 86 state legislative chambers.

Now is the time for voters to ask the tough questions as they decide who will chart the best course for the future of all Americans.

At the top of every voter check-list should be where the candidates stand on helping key segments of the U.S. population who are facing life-changing circumstances and conditions: adults with disabilities struggling to find and keep employment; veterans making the challenging transition to civilian life; and perhaps one of the most vulnerable groups of all — children in need of early intervention for developmental delays, disabilities or autism.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, there are 53 million of us with a disability, whether physical, emotional, social or educational. Chances are, most of us will be touched by disability at some point in our lives – whether it is our own or that of someone we know, love or care for. Put simply, disabilities, whether visible and invisible, are a part of everyday life. According to the United States Census Bureau, there were 19.3 million American veterans as of 2014, 3.8 million of whom have a disability. Easter Seals Dixon Center estimates that 1,000 servicemembers transition to civilian life every day.

Given the right support, every person with a disability and every unemployed (or displaced) veteran can be independent and make valuable contributions to their families, their communities and the economic health of the nation. Ensuring that they get the support they need helps us all.

Here are the key issues on which voters should press their candidates, whether at the federal, state or local level:

• Unemployed adults with disabilities: The economy may be on the upswing, but the unemployment rate for Americans with disabilities is on the rise, reaching 10.8 percent in January, up from 10.3 percent at the close of 2015, according to the U.S. Department of Labor. This is nearly double the rate for the general population. The figures also show that though more people with disabilities were looking for work in January, the number actually employed declined. Americans must seek out leaders who prioritize solutions to the needs of this group, which include adequate public transport so people with disabilities can get to and from jobs, companies that recruit and retain employees with disabilities, and support for caregivers of family members with disabilities.
• Early intervention for children: Some 40 percent of children under the age of 5 years are at risk of a developmental delay or disability. Of those, 26 percent are at moderate to high risk of developmental delay, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. As many as a million children 5 years or under fail to be identified for intervention, according to Easter Seals. It is now well-established that early intervention — such as occupational, physical and speech therapy — can make an enormous difference to children with delays, minimizing the need for special education and related services when they reach maturity. It can also increase independent living and reduce the need for institutionalization. Congress has recognized this need by creating the Early Intervention Program for Infants and Toddlers with disabilities, which requires states to implement programs. But voters must press candidates to support more comprehensive screening and the funding of these vital intervention services. As the numbers show, we need more screening, not less.

• Veterans with disabilities: Of those who have served since 9/11, nearly three in ten have a disability. Government programs that support our disabled veterans must remain fully funded. So, too, must efforts to find employment for this highly-skilled workforce.
• Unemployed veterans: Whether living with a disability or not, we need leaders to continue programs that have made so much progress in transitioning our veterans into the civilian workforce. And of the younger veterans, women are particularly at risk, with 7.9 percent unemployment. It’s a problem with growing consequence. The U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA) estimates 10 percent of women veterans live in poverty and are the fastest growing segment of the homeless vet population. We need government programs tailored to the needs of these young women, many of whom have children.
• Support for caregivers: Behind every veteran with a disability stands a network of caregivers — spouses, parents, grandparents, and children — who shoulder the care and support of their disabled veteran, which may extend for decades. According to a study by the Rand Corp., some 5.5 million people are caregivers to a former servicemember, saving the U.S. healthcare system just under $14 billion in uncompensated care annually. Of those caring for post-9/11 veterans, many tend to be younger, with children to care for, and many are caring for a veteran with a service-related brain injury. Services and outreach to this vitally important network must remain strong and continue to be expanded with government initiatives and programs.

As voters enter the polling booth this election season, they should reflect on the awesome power of the ballot with its ability to ensure that those with disabilities and those who have sacrificed for the nation are not forgotten.

President John Quincy Adams perhaps said it best: “Always vote on principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.”

Rutta is president and CEO of Easter Seals.

How do you vote when assistive technology fails at the polls?

by Beth Finke

The results from Super Tuesday are in, and that makes March the perfect month to focus our posts on the Easterseals blog on…voting.

I’m blind and have had mixed success with accessibility at the polls – sometimes the assistive technology they’ve set up for people with visual impairments works, but often it doesn’t. My husband can see, so when the speech synthesizers at our polling place refuse to talk, he signs an affidavit and accompanies me into the booth to read the ballot out loud.

I am very fortunate to have a great support network –my husband, my friends and my family all chip in to assist me when other systems fail. I’m already gearing up for Election Day here in Illinois on March 15. Just like every other election, I anticipate problems with the assistive technology, and I’ll appreciate having my husband at my side to advocate with me to make an effort to get it working.

So with that, and my work here at Easterseals, I got to wondering. What about people with disabilities who don’t have great support networks? What happens when they have issues at the polling place? How do they exercise their right to vote?

The Center for an Accessible Society has a website that shares the challenges that some individuals with disabilities experience in trying to vote and the barriers that need to be addressed. It also asks the question “Would it matter if more people with disabilities voted? The answer was stunning: “If people with disabilities voted at the same rate as the non-disabled, 10 million more votes would have been cast in the last Presidential election – a major voting bloc.”

Voting is power, and measuring the size of any group’s vote can significantly impact that group’s political muscle. But the disability vote is not often examined. As a group, or special interest constituency, people with disabilities are invisible, not included or even identified in exit polling or post election analyses.

Our goal is to examine the disability vote in March with guest posts written by –and about — voters who have disabilities. Look to the Easterseals blog for stories about voting and disabilities all month long.

Also, take our election survey to start thinking about the issues that may matter to you most this election.

Early intervention, and a good playgroup, changed everything

by Beth Finke

We’re wrapping up our February focus on love and relationships with this guest post by Robbin Miller. Robbin is a licensed mental health counselor and the author of Playgroup Time, a picture book promoting inclusion, diversity, and friendships for young children (ages 5 months to 18 months old) with different abilities in an early intervention program.

by Robbin Miller

Valentine’s Day used to be just the two of us — my spouse and I would go out for a quiet dinner and exchanged cards and gifts to honor our commitment to each other. But then EJ entered our lives.

We adopted our son EJ in August of 2009, and with the long and frustrating five-year wait finally over, we appreciate and express our gratitude and cherish and love every day of the year.

EJ was born three weeks early and underweight. When he was four weeks old, we moved forward to get him evaluated for early intervention. EJ didn’t end up needing special services, but I still wanted my son to attend a weekly structured fun playgroup to enhance his skills in cognition, social development and fine and gross motor skills. The staff invited us to attend a weekly structured playgroup at their early intervention center when he turned five months old, and are we glad they did.

I embraced this opportunity for EJ to play with other babies and for me to meet new parents. I worked a part-time professional job in the evenings but felt very lonely at home during the day. I could not wait to socialize with other parents — I needed to get out of the house!

I counted the days for EJ to turn five months old, and yet, I had butterflies in my stomach when the playgroup started after New Years’ Day. I felt anxious going to a new place with EJ. I was afraid of not being able to mingle with other parents while EJ played with their children.

I had no idea what to expect on the first day of playgroup, but soon I learned we had nothing to worry about. EJ had so much fun playing with Avery, (a boy with Down syndrome) — both of these boys ran under a train tent, and when their quick energy and zest knocked it over on top of them, they giggled and giggled together. Later, EJ crawled over to Meghan, a six-month-old with cerebral palsy, to shake her hand. At first Meghan was shy to be on the carpeted floor with the other children, but EJ’s handshake made her smile.

EJ aged out of playgroup at 18 months old, and he’s a big six year old now. I still treasure the relationships I made when my son was a baby– with other parents, the staff, and all the new friends EJ made at playgroup.

Learn more about early intervention therapies for young children.

Learn more about inclusive childcare and playgroups.

What the recommendation against autism screenings really means

by Katy Beh Neas

There was a lot in the mainstream press earlier this month about the U.S. Preventive Services Task Force’s recommendation against universal autism screening for all young children. What the Task Force said was that when it comes to a young child whose parents, other caregivers or healthcare providers have no concerns that the child may have autism, there is no need to screen for this specific condition.

Its important to read this recommendation for what it is, and also for what it is not. The Task Force is NOT recommending that parents and other caregivers avoid screening young children to measure and monitor their development using a tool like the Easter Seals Ages and Stages Questionnaire® (ASQ), which measures child development in all areas of development: language development, emotional and physical development. Rather, the Task Force said that they could not justify an autism-specific screening for every child.

I understand their point. I just hope that it doesn’t stop a parent or caregiver from taking the important step in using a tool like the ASQ to measure and monitor a child’s development. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services affirms that approximately 40 percent of all kids under the age of 5 are at moderate or high risk of having a developmental delay.

That’s a lot of kids!!!

Download the activity book for young children, from Easter Seals Make the First Five Count

Since Easter Seals launched the Make the First Five Count campaign, we have screened more than 50,000 kids. Our data are aligned with the national data that 40 percent of the kids have a disability or a delay that needs to be addressed with early intervention services.

Our data show that most of these young children have a delay in either language development or physical development. A delay in language development could be an indication of a number of issues — the consequences of chronic ear infections or perhaps autism. In my case, my daughter’s language delay was the result of me over-anticipating her needs. She didn’t need to talk because I was doing everything for her.

Way to go, Mom.

After a screening to determine what was going on, my Easter Seals child care staff suggested that I make my daughter tell me what she needed, rather than me asking her. In about 2 weeks, she was talking up a storm.

A screening is an important trigger to determine the next steps. We have seen progress in the number of young children who have been screened with a tool like the ASQ. We’ve gone from 20 percent of all children being screened to 30 percent in the last couple of years. This progress is fantastic, but the fact remains that 70 percent of all children under age five are not being screened. Rather than getting the supports they need to address the delay, too many of these children will enter kindergarten with a delay that puts them behind their peers.

It remains true that knowledge is power. I hope every parent of a child under the age of 5 routinely measures their child’s developmental progress. We have the Ages and Stages Questionnaire available for free online and also have child development experts in your community who can help you support your child’s unique needs.

I know firsthand that even the most attentive parent can miss something. Easter Seals is here to support you to be the best parent possible. Together, let’s continue to Make the First Five Count!

Visit Easter Seals Make the First Five Count to take the screening and find child development resources and stories.

We’re Building Veterans’ Confidence for the Next Mission

by Jackie Orihill

We’re excited to have Frank Gaudio, trustee and veterans’ liaison for the PwC Charitable Foundation, as a guest blogger to share some big news! The PwC Charitable Foundation is providing a $1.2 million, four-year grant to the Easter Seals Dixon Center for Military and Veterans Services. Frank wants you all to know how the Foundation’s investment and collaboration with ESDC will impact thousands of veterans and their families. Read on to find out!

Something you may not know about me is that I’ve been a volunteer assistant women’s golf coach at the collegiate level since 2013. Having played my entire life, including my high school and college years, I believe my time coaching is actually the most rewarding. Through the players, I’m still connected to the athleticism of golf and the thrill of competition; but that’s not what I love the most. What I love is the privilege of helping these dedicated young women become better athletes, and hopefully better prepared for their future by developing skills that can set them up for success in life. And it’s the same privilege and honor I have through my work with the PwC Charitable Foundation, which just announced a $1.2 million donation to the Easter Seals Dixon Center for Military and Veterans Services. This grant is part of the Foundation’s larger commitment to strategically invest $5 million to help veterans and their families overcome barriers to education, training and job readiness for successful transition to civilian careers.

How is it the same? Because the Easter Seals Dixon Center for Military and Veterans Services utilizes a unique approach of supporting veterans before exiting the military as a way of enabling a path for job training and placement. The action of reaching service members before they have separated from the military is a key differentiator and critical component of the Easter Seals Dixon Center’s strategy. The same way I’m helping to prepare players for a win and life beyond the present, the Easter Seals Dixon Center for Military and Veterans Services is helping to prepare transitioning veterans and military families for the one of their biggest wins: a successful shift into future civilian life.

Since World War II, Easter Seals has been a “go to” resource for veterans, military families and those who support the military community. Serving 1.3 million people annually, thousands of whom are connected to military service, they have been a leading service provider for people with disabilities, veterans and their families. To drive a new conversation and refocus services in local communities across the nation, Easter Seals Dixon Center for Military and Veteran Services was formed in 2012. This renewed strategic priority supports a conversation about both the potential of veterans, as well as the engagement of organizations in connecting veterans and military families with assistance they may need to succeed in meaningful employment, education and overall health and wellness in local communities.

According to a recent news article, “in 2014, there were 3.2 million veterans who had served since 9/11. Each year, more than 250,000 veterans transition back into the civilian workforce, but as the unemployment numbers indicate, not all find the transition without challenges.” While we all know the move from service member to civilian status involves more than a change in job title, do we really understand how much more is involved? Imagine if one single career move potentially changed every part of your life – and your family’s life – at once. A move like that involves months of preparation and societal support in order to be successful. The Easter Seals Dixon Center for Military and Veterans Services provides the connective tissue between veterans, the communities and the organizations – both public and private – that want to help meet their needs. And one the most critical areas of need can be job training and placement.

The PwC Charitable Foundation, Inc. is focused on grant making that can have a profound effect on people, including active duty military service member, veterans and their families who have sacrificed for our country. The investment in Easter Seals Dixon Center for Military and Veterans Services is one way the PwC Charitable Foundation, Inc. is addressing this critical need area. Our grant is specifically geared towards supporting service members, who are classified as End Term of Service or End of Active Service, plan for and make successful career changes through support from the Easter Seals Dixon Center. The Foundation’s investment and collaboration with ESDC will help expand programming to seven military installations across the nation, impacting thousands of veterans and their families with employment training and credentialing as well as information regarding community resources.

In the 2015 Veterans Day Proclamation, the President said our true strength as a nation is measured by how we take care of our veterans when they return home. Being a Trustee and the Veterans Liaison for the PwC Charitable Foundation, Inc., I’m proud to contribute to the strength of our nation by championing support for veterans and military families, and the organizations that help them thrive. As I continue my work with the Foundation – to make more than $5 million in strategic investments by 2019 to assist veterans and military children overcome the barriers to education, workforce transition, and professional development – I’m honored to be helping thousands of veterans build confidence for their next mission: a positive transition into the civilian workforce.

Learn about all the ways that Easter Seals supports veterans here.

Healing horses for a little girl with Down syndrome

by Beth Finke

I am pleased to introduce Katherine (Katie) Riegel as a guest blogger today. The author of two books of poetry and a collection of essays, Katie is a writer, poet, blogger, educator, meditator, animal lover, and Anglophile who lives in Memphis, Tennessee.

by Katherine Riegel

I’ve been helping my sister as a horse leader for Healing Horse Stables (her therapeutic riding center in central Illinois) for a couple of years now, and have led the horse for a girl named Isannah there many times.

Isannah is blonde and has Down syndrome, and every single time she comes out she sings a song to her horse. She’s the best rider of her group, so she gets the biggest horses, or the ones with a little more character. That leaves the always-calm “teddy-horses” to the other riders. Isannah has ridden Melody, Gwynna, Trooper, Buster, and they all flick their ears back to listen to their own names in the song during the first two loops around the arena.

I love Isannah’s joy and the specific connection she makes with her horse. And I love Isannah, even when she’s saying “no” to my sister’s suggestion that she reach up to push the balls hanging from the ceiling of the arena, a coordination-improving exercise she’s done numerous times before. This little girl is stubborn when she gets uncertain or tired. “No” is her most frequently used word.

In this stubbornness she is joined by Melody, the old mare who was our mother’s horse before my sister inherited her. Melody, 26 years old, has her own ways of saying “no,” and as she nears retirement she says it more and more. She skips sideways, stops without warning, tosses her head. Or at least she does except when Isannah is riding.

When Isannah is riding Melody, the two strong-willed girls meet in respect and affection. Melody walks along — mostly — like the gentle old lady she is. Isannah has good balance, and that helps. But I think Melody is calmest with Isannah because she is like our mother. Because most of the time, even when Isannah says “no,” she still reaches up and taps the ball, or puts the rings on the peg.

The world isn’t always easy, and Isannah insists on having a say in how she will interact with it. She can do it. She will do it, what’s required of her. Despite being led, she’s controlling this great beast underneath her, and she will decide what to do while on it.

Our mother was the driving force of our lives. My sister is named after her — Dorothy, though she goes by Dorey, as our mother went by Dinny, and her mother by Dot. Dorey started this therapeutic riding center with the two horses our mother left behind when she died, and the knowledge and determination she got helping our mother with the horses when we were kids. Dorey started Healing Horse Stables with little more than love—her love for horses and kids and people who could use some help and healing.

There’s science behind equine-assisted activities and therapies. Some kids on the autism spectrum only speak when they’re with the horses. Some children develop stronger core muscles — you can see them sitting up straighter — just from being led around on horseback for 30 minutes once a week.

But really it’s love that makes it work. The love between a stubborn old horse and a stubborn young girl. The love that girl’s parents have for her, to bring her out to the barn, summer and winter, so she can have a bigger experience of life. The love I have for my sister, to help when I can and wish so hard for her dream to keep going. The love we learned from our mother, who knew that what you give to the world, you get back a thousandfold.

Related Resources:

Easter Seals has horse therapy programs in Pennsylvania. See if the Easter Seals in your area has animal therapies by connecting here.

Growth, development and at-home exercises for children with Down syndrome.

“Dating someone who is blind is honestly not as hard as it sounds”

by Alicia Krage

As promised, here’s the second part of Alicia Krage’s post about some of the challenges and joys of being — and dating – someone who’s blind.

by Alicia Krage

In March of last year, as Joe and I lingered somewhere between friends and a couple, I’d often reflect on my friends’ questions about whether I’d prefer dating someone who can see, or someone who is blind.

I thought about what the challenges were with both, and in the end I realized that being blind and dating someone who is blind is honestly not as hard as it sounds. Transportation becomes a problem sometimes – you can’t exactly stay out until 2am and drive home – but working on things together like figuring out schedules for trains and buses has helped me gain a different sort of independence.

I visit Joe at his college every other weekend, and I take the train back and forth to Northern Illinois University by myself. I’m much more confident on my own now than I was before I met Joe.

We go on dates a lot, and restaurants are very good about walking us to our seat, offering us Braille menus (if they have some), or reading off some of the selections.

Here’s a tip, though. Narrow down your selection to a few categories –servers don’t appreciate having to read the entire menu! They’ll be a lot happier if you ask them to, say, just read all the pasta or burgers. That, or use your speech software to look up the menu online ahead of time.

Now back to dates with Joe. We’ve talked about experiencing other things on dates, like going to concerts, and I think we’ll be doing that together soon. He’s the kind of person that motivates you to be better, the kind that urges you (politely) to step out of your comfort zone a little bit.

Some things take more assistance than others, but it isn’t impossible, and there’s no one else I’d rather share crazy adventures with than my boyfriend Joe.

I look back at my previous relationships and question my motives, but in the end, I know those relationships taught me a lot. I learned what I want in someone and what I don’t, what works and what doesn’t, and I took that into consideration.

Joe and I are two months shy of our one-year anniversary, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Join other young women with disabilities to discuss everything from dating and media to career development with Easter Seals Thrive.

Read other dating tips and stories at easterseals.com/love.

Discovered I have autism at 50 then found the love of my life

by Jackie Orihill

I’m pleased to introduce Anita Lesko, who shares with us today how badly she wanted to find love before she knew she had autism, and how knowing her diagnosis may have made it easier. She found love with someone who also happens to live with autism, and their love story is breathtaking. Get a chance to talk to Anita and her husband in tomorrow’s Twitter chat on autism and relationships. #AskEasterSeals

To Us, Every Day is Valentine’s Day

By Anita Lesko

Being autistic makes our Valentine’s Day more special than most people could ever understand.  How could this be, you are thinking!  We live in what I sometimes call the “throwaway society.” People don’t seem to take relationships very seriously.  Infidelity, breakups, and divorce have become very commonplace.  It’s all the rage in Hollywood and reality TV shows, and plastered on magazine covers of the latest scandal.  I think this is all very sad.

Abraham and I love to spend hours talking, sharing our innermost thoughts and feelings with each other.  We both have spent our lives wishing, hoping, dreaming, of one day finding that special someone who would understand and accept us.  We’ve both been bullied, harassed, tormented, even threatened, because we are different.  We’ve both experienced extreme loneliness, lying in bed crying ourselves to sleep in the darkness.  The possibility of ever finding a mate seemed like only a dream.

I dreaded to go to restaurants on Fridays and Saturdays, traditional “date nights.”  There, everywhere I’d look, were couples hugging, talking, laughing.  All the very things I couldn’t seem to do, yet I didn’t know why.  After getting diagnosed with autism at age 50, at least I then knew why I was so socially inept.  The desire for a special someone still burned within me.

One day, at one of my Autism Support Group meetings, in walked my future husband.  Of course I didn’t know this on that fateful day!  He caught my eye, not just because he was tall, dark, and handsome.  There was something in his eyes that when I looked at him, I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and comfort.  I had never felt such a connection before.  We became friends that day, and our friendship grew stronger over that following year.

One beautiful crisp evening under a full moon, Abraham hugged me for the first time.  It was so magical, so intense, so delicious.  We both knew at that moment that we never wanted to let go of each other. I couldn’t tell where my body ended and his began.  We were united as one.  We found our special someone, and we didn’t want to let go.
We treasure our relationship so deeply, for it is something we both dreamed of yet thought we’d never find.  We take care of each other, watch over each other. It’s truly beautiful.  We can’t stand to be apart, which the only time we are is when we’re at work.  The rest of the time we are together, our little team as we call it!

To us, every day is Valentine’s Day.  We take time each day to do special things for each other, and share moments that we savor for the times we must be apart.  This Valentine’s Day, we woke up before sunrise, sat together, side by side, on a bale of hay and watched the sun rise, with steaming coffee in our hands, and gentle kisses.  Absolute bliss.

Get the details about the Twitter chat on love and relationships, featuring Anita and others, and also find more love stories with disability in the mix at easterseals.com/love.

Do I prefer to date people who are blind or not?

by Alicia Krage

I met today’s guest blogger Alicia Krage years ago when she and her mom attended a presentation I gave at a blind and low-vision fair here in Illinois. Alicia was an 11-year-old squirt back then, but she’s grown up now –she attends College of DuPage and will be transferring to Northern Illinois University in the fall to study criminal justice.

by Alicia Krage

People are curious about what it’s like to be blind. I usually get common questions like, “How do you travel?” and, “How do you watch movies?” But dating comes up, too, and more often than you might think.

I’m sometimes asked if I would prefer to date a sighted person or a blind person, or how blindness affects going on dates. It does affect it, but the relationships I’ve had are more affected by who the person is rather than whether they’re sighted or blind. Quite frankly, I don’t have a preference. I’ve experienced both, and I’ve learned something from each.

Dating a blind person does create a mutual understanding of day-to-day life and struggles, and you know with absolute certainty that the person is seeing you for you. Their first impression of you is strictly personality. That’s what I like about it the most, and that’s the biggest reason why I like dating someone who is also blind.

I met Joe in January five years ago when we were both attending a weekend event called Taste of College where students who are blind or visually impaired tour various colleges together. To be perfectly honest, with all the time that’s gone by, I don’t remember every little detail about that morning. I wish I did, though.

The funny thing about it is that Joe remembers it like it happened just yesterday. We talked about that weekend just a few days ago, actually, and hearing Joe talk about it was kind of like someone telling me a story about how they met someone for the first time. But that someone was me! I didn’t recall a lot of our first meeting, so listening to Joe tell the story was like reliving it all over again.

It took us a while to become friends — – after all, how much can you really discuss on a weekend when you’re spending most of it on college tours?

I saw him six months later at Summer in the City, a week long summer camp run by the same program that did Taste of College. I remember more about that. I was shy, he was confident. I was more introverted, he wasn’t. I think that’s why I liked being around him so much and I made more of an effort to come out of my shell and talk with him.

I liked the way he traveled and interacted with people so confidently and effortlessly; he didn’t let his blindness interfere with anything. If he was ever nervous about crossing the busy streets of Chicago or getting on the train, I never knew. (He’s still like that to this day.)

Joe and I met again one year later when we were both attending the Illinois School for the Visually Impaired in Jacksonville, Illinois, roughly 30 miles outside Springfield. It was a residential school, and we only went home every couple of weeks. Our friendship strengthened and we became the best of friends.

We’d been best friends for a few years before getting into a relationship, which was fine with me. Friends first is always best.

Stay tuned for part two of this post, when Alicia talks about when she and Joe decided to start dating and what their relationship is like now. And read more love stories at easterseals.com/love.

Little acts that show big love

by Bernhard Walke

Bernhard, his daughter Elena and his wife

Last year, Fr. Greg Boyle came to speak at the school where I work. You might recognize his name — he’s the Jesuit priest who founded and runs Homeboy Industries in Los Angeles. The mission statement on their website explains that Homeboy Industries “provides hope, training, and support to formerly gang-involved and previously incarcerated men and women” and that it allows them to “redirect their lives and become contributing members of our community. “

Homeboy industries employs hundreds of former gang members and provides essential services such as tattoo removal as well as professional and social-emotional counseling. It’s an incredible organization fueled by love and compassion.

When Fr. Boyle spoke at our school, he talked about creating a “community of kinship.” That got me thinking about the school I work at. I’ve been at this school for the past 13 years. It’s situated in a Chicago neighborhood that has a long history of gang activity, marginalization, poverty, and other social problems.

When I mention that I work in education in “the city”, people often respond with “Wow, teenagers? Low-income? Immigrant? The city? I don’t know how you do that!” My honest response is often, “Wow, I’m lucky that I get to do this! It’s a great responsibility.”

When I talk about my daughter Elena’s cerebral palsy for the first time, sometimes people similarly respond with “Oh, I’m sorry. That must be difficult. I don’t know how you do it.” Again, my mental response is similar to the one mentioned above. I’m lucky that I get to do this.

When my personal life sometimes collides with my professional life, both my daughter and the students form a community of kinship, love, and compassion that is authentic and palpable. Our students treat my daughter with the love and respect with which I believe we treat our students. It’s pretty simple, actually. If you want to connect with a teenager, treat them with kindness and respect.

One particular day, I had to leave early to drive home, pick up my daughter and return to school to pick up my wife (we both work at the same school) so that we all could go to Elena’s doctor’s appointment downtown. As I pulled into my parking spot, assembled Elena’s wheelchair, and planted her in it, I heard the 3:30 dismissal bell chime. I grunted and bemoaned that I would have to navigate my way through hundreds of high school students at dismissal in order to pick up my wife.

As I began to make my way through the halls, though, one of our senior boys who is typically very quiet and has a meek personality noticed me pushing my 5-year-old through the crowded halls and sprung to action, clearing a path like a border collie. He admonished other students, ”Hey! Get off your phone and pay attention! Mr. Walke is trying to get through with his daughter.” “Javier! Can you get the door and hold it open for Mr. Walke and his daughter?” “Mrs. Walke! Mr. Walke and your daughter are both here.” I thanked him for his unsolicited help and we were on our way to Elena’s appointment.

As we were driving back home, I marveled at the selfless love and care that this student demonstrated toward a young 5 year old that he had just met. I also remembered that this student had lost his mother at a young age. It was just him and his father at home. I like to think that we both realized that life doesn’t often go as planned, but it doesn’t mean that there is any less love in it.

I like to think that Elena brings out the best in all of us, including strangers. Almost every time I go somewhere with Elena — the grocery store, on a walk, or to the museum — strangers will look right at her and either smile from ear to ear, give her a high five, or introduce themselves. She just brings that out in people.

About a year ago, we brought our daughter to school for a mass. She was in her wheelchair, like always, and I remember overhearing, “Oh, that’s Mrs. Walke’s daughter — they look so much alike!” and “She’s so cute!” Not one of them mentioned that she was in a chair; they saw her, and not her disability. After the mass, students clamored around Elena to introduce themselves and talk to my wife and me about how nice it was to meet our daughter.

This was all happening in a school in one of the rougher parts of Chicago from kids who often deal with very adult issues. Again, the love and enthusiasm and the community of kinship that they create allows my daughter to be welcomed into society rather than left out of it. This for me is love.

after that experience at church, my wife (who is known for being a tough as nails teacher with high expectations) received an email from a student she’d never taught. The student began the email with a few words about my wife being known as strict but respected, and what she wrote next brought my wife to tears:

Today at mass I admired something more. I saw you turn to look at your daughter and the biggest smile came across your face. It wasn’t an “I’m proud of you smile” that a parent normally gives a child but a genuinely happy smile. Like suddenly you were on top of the world just looking at her. It was the most beautiful thing. I know it might be a struggle and to see your daughter be sick, like last year, but I learned something. God gives his hardest challenges to the strongest people. And Mrs. Walke, you are a very strong woman. So again, congrats on being a mom and just being the person you are. I hope your family is doing well!

It’s funny, adults often preach to teenagers and children that they don’t know the first thing about love, but it is acts such as these that demonstrate that they know a lot more than we give them credit for.

Read more about relationships at easterseals.com/love.