How do special moms celebrate Mother’s Day?
by Beth
Mother’s Day can be a mixed blessing for a woman who has a child with a disability. For years after my son was born, I begged my husband not to get me a gift for Mother’s Day. “I’m not your mother!” I told him.
I knew my son wouldn’t be making me a card. He wouldn’t be presenting me with dandelions picked especially for me. My son has severe mental and physical disabilities — he doesn’t understand what Mother’s Day is.
I was determined not to let any of that bother me though. I knew I was a good mother, and I knew my son loved me in his own special way.
And then one year — my son must have been 5 or 6 — I burst into tears on Mother’s Day. “I’ll never get to celebrate like all the other mothers do!” I wailed. My poor husband didn’t know what to do.
This article on parental grief and adjustment to a child with disabilities reassures me I am not alone when it comes to feeling a bit of sadness on Mother’s Day. It lists Mother’s Day as one of the “common occasions of stress for families of a child with a disability.”
Ever since that outburst of mine, we’ve gone out of our way to celebrate Mother’s Day. This year we started early. Last weekend I needed new clothes. My husband came along on a shopping spree. When I couldn’t decide between two outfits, he whispered, “get them both.” He said our son wanted me to have new clothes for Mother’s Day. I wore one of the new outfits last night. We went out for a special dinner. I’m making up for lost time — instead of Mother’s Day, I now celebrate Mother’s Week!
And for the real Mother’s Day we’re heading to Wisconsin to visit our grown son in his group home. We’re proud of him. I’m proud to be his mom and happy to celebrate as a family.
I’d love to hear how other special moms have come to terms with Mother’s Day and how other families with special children celebrate each year — I’m always open to new ideas.
May 13th, 2008 at 9:34 am
Its very hard to have a “personal life” or a date with ur husband when u have a child with autism,I also agree with Beth….we should celebrate an entire week!Im so proud of my 16th yr old daughter Jessmill.She is the one that will make me and her dad go out,she says,”get dress and take mom out to the movies or to dinner,I’ll watch Johnny!(her brother who has autism-he is 14)…She is our angel,she understands him,and takes great care of him!Nobody of our family helps us,everybody is so busy when it comes to babysitting for Johnnathan due to his behavior and speech problem.So lets celebrate “Big” and dont feel guilty about it!!!
May 11th, 2007 at 9:36 pm
I think we special mothers deserve a huge celebration–like a week (or more) just as Beth desribes to celebrate Mother’s Day. All of us are really super-mothers. And because of the nature of our child’s disability, we have to deal with so many of the difficulties of parenting for so much longer, adn so much more intensely than the average mom. So I don’t think Mother’s Day calls for tears for us. Nor should we celebrate as just “average” moms. I think we deserve tons of recognition on Mother’s Day and shouldn’t feel guilty if we have new clothes, expensive dinners, sweets, flowers and every other kind of gift or recognition from those who know what we go through, including many of our kids! They should shower us with thanks!