Full-spectrum marriage
by Beth
I’m blind, and my husband can see. Mike and I have been married 26 years, so we’ve got that down. I hadn’t given much thought to other disability-related mixed marriages, though, until I read a story about a “full-spectrum marriage” on the Autism Support Network web site.
Kristi Sakai wrote the post. Her husband Nobuo has autism, and the two have been married 17 years. She lists some useful strategies they use to keep aware of and manage each others challenges. I especially like her sense of humor in strategy number three :
3. Provide visual supports to enhance communication.
“What do you want me to do? Draw you a picture?!” YES. We know that visual aids work for children on the spectrum. It also works on spectrum spouses. We’re familiar with grocery lists, but we take it further. After repeated explanations about a specific item only to have my husband return home with the WRONG thing again (bless his heart!), we have revised our communication system. First, I buy the item and show it to him so he has a visual reference. Second, I draw a very simple map of its location in the store. While this may sound tedious, as we generally buy the same items over and over, once he’s caught on, no further explanation is necessary, and in the long run it saves time and money — not to mention frustration.
I really do appreciate the way they refer to their marriage as “full-spectrum.” Gee, maybe we oughta start referring to ours as “bi-focal.”