Campaigning with a child who has special needs
by Katy
I’ve been part of some interesting conversations about Senator John McCain’s choice of Sarah Palin for vice president and the fact that she has an infant with a disability. I guess I’m not alone — a story in today’s New York Times says the country is buzzing about Sarah Palin and her infant son Trig.
No one has ever tried to combine presidential politics and motherhood in quite the way Ms. Palin is doing, and it is no simple task. In the last week, the criticism she feared in Alaska has exploded into a national debate. On blogs and at PTA meetings, voters alternately cheer and fault her balancing act, and although many are thrilled to see a child with special needs in the spotlight, some accuse her of exploiting Trig for political gain.
One of my neighbors thinks that it is irresponsible for a mother of an infant with a disability to accept the VP nomination. I’m torn on a number of fronts.
First, if Senator McCain had chosen a father of an infant with a disability, would anyone question his commitment to his children? Second, many infants with Down syndrome have both developmental and medical issues, and need regular occupational, physical and speech therapy. Many also have heart issues that require surgery. The time commitment to meet these needs is significant.
Can Governor Palin and her family put in place the supports they will need while she’s on the campaign trail? What do you think? Is the sacrifice that the Palin family is making in this campaign appropriate? Do we have a right to ask? I’ll be very interested in your comments.
September 10th, 2008 at 1:08 am
I am excited about Governor Palin and hearing of her pledge for special-needs individuals. It is a shame that one may question her accountability as to separating both career and family. True it is more challenging at TIMES, but can be done if the spouse is supportive just as much as she is. What I have found to be true for the most part, that parents of special-needs children are the strongest, bravest, enduring, and caring individuals I have known. Let’s face it, once you get over the diagnosis of your child, you become a great advocate–not only for the cause close to your heart, but it opens the doors to other causes that draw your attention. I’m a big believer about a person’s driving force—PASSION. Having it and seeing it in them. Governor Palin is a woman that is a wife and a mother, but don’t underestimate her juggling of career and family life–she already has been there serving as a Governor. Now that a special-needs child is part of her life, she will truly KNOW the challenges, good or bad and for that she will be fighting in our corner, on our team!
September 8th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
Speaking generically as a plain old father, and as the father of a son with severe developmental disabilities, I ask this: What am I, chopped liver?
People who hold big jobs with big responsibilities–in the private and public sectors–simply aren’t and cannot be involved with their children in the way they’d like. Whatever their parental intentions or feelings, something has to give. It’s always been the case. But if the VP candidate were a man, we’d assume that a dedicated spouse and mother would be back there, somewhere, taking care of all that messy day-to-day stuff. And we’d feel just fine about that.
I grew up with the women’s lib movement, and I thought from the beginning that it offered benefits to women and men alike. It has delivered. Today, girls and young women routinely play soccer and other competitive sports–it’s not only tolerated, it’s admired. It was not always this way. Women excel in business, the professions and public service. Glass ceilings are cracking. Men are not relegated to the maternity waiting room when their children are born. They take paternity leave. They can and often do stay at home with their children while their spouses or partners work as breadwinners.
Still, somehow, we can’t get away from the idea that women hold some magical power as parents. And therefore they are somehow negligent if they choose to work. Implicit in this judgment is the notion that a stay-at-home father can’t measure up to a stay-at-home mother. That’s not, in my view or in my experience, a healthy or accurate way to look at things. Parents have been working out these kinds of arrangements forever. The only thing that’s changing is who’s working and who’s managing things at home.
As for the load placed on the parents of a child who has medical and special needs: It is demanding. But I’ve known plenty of “average” kids who have been extremely demanding for different reasons. I became careful about letting managers and coworkers know about my son’s disabilities–because I learned that many made assumptions about how circumstances would limit me in the workplace.