Being a mom with a disability
by Beth
Linda Long and her son when he was a toddler (he’s now 10)
I am pleased to introduce Linda M. Long-Bellil, Ph.D., J.D. as a guest blogger today. Linda is an Assistant Professor at UMass Medical School/Center for Health Policy & Research. Linda and her husband happen to be parents with disabilities who are raising a typically developing child. Linda shares her experience and advice for other women with disabilities who want to become moms, too.
Ten years of being a mom
by Linda M. Long-Bellil, Ph.D., J.D.
This year, my son, Ben, turned 10, which for me meant 10 years of being a mom. I recently rediscovered an article that I wrote when our Ben was only 6 months old. It’s quite something to look back and see how far we’ve come – my husband, Ben and I.
I remember the sense of wonder (combined with exhaustion) I felt when he was born. And how it took awhile for it to really sink in that I was a mother. Now it seems like second nature and I barely remember when I wasn’t a mom.
I remember the challenges we faced when he was little, figuring out the logistics of caring for a baby when we both have physical disabilities (I have spina bifida and my husband had polio). Luckily, a lifetime of disability has its benefits – it teaches you to be resourceful and to adapt. And so, my husband and I were able to figure things out. We have also been lucky to have lots of family support. Thank goodness for Grandma!
The days of nighttime feedings and wet diapers are long gone, replaced with new challenges. How much time to let him spend on his iPad? How can we get him interested in reading a book?
Sometimes we need to do things a little differently to connect with him. For example, we can’t really ride bikes with Ben, but my husband works on the bike with him. Instead of running around the yard together, they wrestle, which keeps them close.
I love to watch Ben play with his friends. The joy I see on his face and his happy laugh make me smile all over. There is nothing more fun than watching your child have fun.
Having a child connects me to other people in ways that I never anticipated. I now have a topic of conversation with people with whom I might otherwise have none. At work, I probably have at least one conversation a day with another parent about our kids. One Mom and I bonded over the fact that a conference out of town forced us both to miss Halloween.
Being a Mom has opened up a whole new world for me. I only hope that other women with disabilities who want children have the opportunity to experience the sense of wonder and feeling of belonging that motherhood has brought me.