Feelings

Ben TrockmanStretching my arms as if I were trying to reach through the ceiling, after a long night of peaceful rest.

Feeling the carpet between my toes as I walk towards the shower, followed by the warm drops of water falling on my arm from the shower head.

Pulling up those favorite jeans over my legs, and feeling the thick and cozy cotton of my favorite sweatshirt around my arms.

The smooth feel of the cold leather around the steering wheel of my Silverado on a frigid morning in December.

Running my hands through the soft coat of my Australian Shepherd, as she rolls over in complete satisfaction and submission.

The feeling of a woman’s sweaty and nervous hand, as we are holding them for our first date. And, running my hands through her hair as we gaze into each other’s eyes.

That great grasp around a baseball, and feeling it leave my hand knowing that I just threw a perfect two-seam fastball right over the corner of the plate.

Having to stretch my thumbs after playing two straight hours of Halo on my Xbox, while my brother has been beating me the entire time.

Paralysis. And all of those feelings have now been lost. Hell, I know it’s crazy to imagine, but I have never felt the screen of an iPhone; my injury happened before that technology.

There are so many things in this world that people take for granted. Feelings, and the ability to perform simple tasks by yourself. The things I listed above are just a few of those items that I would have never thought about losing, for they are just your average, everyday interactions. But… Never forget those feelings, and the great description of all of them.

I can remember how my fingers felt after drawing on my notepad for an hour straight, and just what the lead of the pencil felt like on my fingers. I can remember the feeling of motor oil on my hands the first time I changed my oil in my truck by myself. And, I can remember the feeling of those hand-grips on my dirt bike as I was feathering the clutch and pinning back the throttle to do a 100-yard wheelie.

Life has changed so much since that time, and I have gotten used to, as best as possible, not being able to feel those feelings, and enjoying those seemingly little things. But there is still so much more to life.

I am embracing life as a quadriplegic, as a person who cannot do those little things on my own. Although I require the assistance of another individual to help get me up in the morning, help me get on my computer, assist me whenever one of my friends send me a text message, I am still determined more than ever to have a great and productive life.

In fact, since my injury, I truly feel as if I have learned just how it “feels” to lose those things, but also how much I can gain by helping others. My life is so much less about me, and much more about other people in the world. I wake up every single day not thinking about how that water in the shower is going to feel hitting my back, but what I can do today so that someone else has the opportunity to feel that water, and live their life in a way that I have not had the chance.

Never forget the little things.

This post originally appeared on Ben Trockman’s personal blog, Ben’s Opinions.


 

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  1. Ben Trockman Says:

    Laura,

    Thank you for your kind words about my entry. I’m glad you “stumbled upon” my writing. Some days I just decide to put my feelings and thoughts into words, and that is what happened!

    I appreciate the encouragement to write more, as well. It’s nice to hear people say that, for it inspires me to write more often.

    It really touches my heart that you would read my blog to your children, because our youth are the most important of all!

    Thank you,

    Ben


  2. Laura Allen Says:

    Ben:
    I stumbled upon your post and plan to print it out and share it with my kids. It was an amazingly powerful little blog entry. I admire your spirit and determination- I know positivity can waiver- it does for all of us, from day to day. But you are doing such an important thing, sharing your message and reminding people to appreciate things in life. I Hope you will continue to do more writing- i think you should submit this blog post to the New York times or something- I bet it would get published!!!


  3. Ben Trockman Says:

    Hey Gigie,

    Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog entry, and thank you for the comment!

    You know, every single day in life people are presented with challenges, whether they be a disability, or a simple choice, but the true measure of a person comes after you make that decision. After you have put your hard work into something.

    It is the determination to succeed once you have made that choice that truly makes a person! And, I choose to help people, to work hard, and the smile every single day.

    End of rant. :-)

    Thank you,

    Ben


  4. Gigie Says:

    You are strong in spirit and wise beyond your years! I admire you greatly for choosing to live life to the fullest no matter your disabilities. You have the memories that many do not have, which can feel like a blessing at times and a curse at other times. Prayers to you!


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